Wait…how are you this big?

For some reason I am sad today, no one ‘DID’ anything I’m just a little down. I couldn’t place my finger on what it was…until I could.

From the minute you let anyone know you are expecting a baby everyone’s first response is “Enjoy every minute, it goes to fast.”  When I am talking to anyone  (especially parents with older children) no matter what story, whether it be funny, frustrating, annoying, shocking or a combination of all of them, their response “Oh I remember those days, enjoy them, they grow too fast.”

This morning I was getting my silly boys ready for Dr. Seuss Day (Wacky Wednesday) as school. I was changing Jimmy’s diaper and Jake pulled out a book.  He opens this book and without saying “look mommy!” or “watch me!” he says that is an ‘M’ that is a ‘O’ that is a ‘O’. Then he looks at me to ask, “Mommy, what does M-O-O say?” I knew he knew letters but I was still in a little shock. He goes on to spell P-I-G, “That is a ‘P’ and ‘I’ and a ‘G’, does that say pig?” we work on his letters and the sounds associated with them, but I was beyond proud.

For so long we have talked about letters and numbers and the difference between the two. We have worked with him on his name and how to spell it both first and last name.  He knows where he lives and who the President, Vise President and Speaker of the house of the United States of America are. He knows that they live in Washington D.C. He can recite the pledge of allegiance and he knows who made the American Flag.  When he sees a soldier he asks for a ‘high-five’ and knows to say “thank you for my freedom.” His manner are top-notch, with ‘no thank-you’s’, & ‘yes pleases’. We have taught him so much and he (of course in the eyes of his mother) is so smart. All of these things make me proud, but it isn’t the fact that he knows all of that stuff that made me realize he has grown up some. It was this morning when I went to ‘help’ him with his shoes and coat that he told me “I don’t need your help anymore mommy, I am a big boy. I will do it by myself.”

Big boy?  You were my peanut yesterday, when did you get this big?  Maybe I haven’t been paying attention? Maybe I haven’t been enjoying it enough? 

I try to equate it to a baby walking.  For so long you sit with your spouse or significant other and hold your wobbly little baby and coax them to take a step, and for a while they crumble down….But then one day they take that step, you rejoice and praise them and wait for the next step. Forgetting that what you once knew of that ‘little’ baby, is no longer.  They are now a ‘toddler,’ they grew up.

Some of the big milestones are easy for me to slow down to remember. I remember the night of Jimmy’s first birthday, after the party, after everyone left I rocked him to sleep that night.  I nursed him and he was out, but I couldn’t put him down, I couldn’t lay him in his crib for the longest time.  He wasn’t a small little baby anymore, the 7lb 8oz little bundle that we brought home from the hospital.  He was one year old and I didn’t want to let him go, I didn’t want to let him get older.  But just like I do each night I eventually laid him in his bed, and watched my one-year-old boy roll to get comfortable.  I thank the lord for choosing me to be his mom as I shut his door each night.

5 day old Jimmy in his BIG crib

The random moments when you realize that your child is more grown up then you remember catch me off guard.  When my Jimmy, no longer says “mama” and uses “mommy,” When Jake opens the car door and gets in by himself….. “Wait, how are you so big? You were in an infant carrier the other day, now you open the car door and get in on your own?” “You uttered “ma” yesterday day it seems now you are telling my “Mo’ milk mommy?”

When did this happen, where was I, am I missing it? They said it would go fast…..but is it supposed to go THIS fast?

I want them to grow, to be independent and to be an asset to society. I want to see the incredible people that they each will become. I want to be there, be in the moment and I don’t want to miss anything. I know the first step: is not needing someone to help with their shoes and coat and it will grow from there on what they DON’T need from me. 

Maybe other moms can relate, for so long your little ones NEED you ever everything.  You think to yourself “it will be so much easier to get out of the house when you can do this yourself.”  But this morning when it happened a part of me was sad.  Sad for the little boy that is no longer a baby.  Sad because I hope that I can remember to enjoy the other little things, cause those too will be gone to soon I am afraid.