My little Angel can be a little Devil

Event-filled weekends always sound like a fun time but when I factor in that I have a two year old and an almost-four year old situations can go bad just as quickly as they started.  We planned a busy weekend in St. Louis and had many different attractions to go see, but after being off our “normal” schedule for almost 24-hours the boys started to hit a little bit of a wall. Our Saturday brunch went well, and we were going to go back to my sisters to take a nap, well…this didn’t happen.  No naps after a VERY busy night/day proves to be the start of a downward spiral for my little munchkins.

The rambunctious-ness started that only happens when they are so tired that they are looking for things to do or ‘get-into’ to keep themselves awake. This usually isn’t ‘good’ things and when corrected they are so over-tired that a small “NO-NO Jimmy!” or “Jacob, I already told you once!” turns into a stage five hurricane sized tantrum. So instead of staying and resuming fun activities as planned we decided it was best for our clan…and the sanity of all adults… if we packed up and headed home. This of course didn’t make the boys happy but they were asleep before we crossed the Mississippi Bridge (which is about 5 minutes from when we got into the car.)

After chasing and dealing with two very tired, very crabby and very exhausting little boys on little sleep ourselves  makes the sight of them sleeping (and restrained with 5-point harnesses) a beautiful sight.  I initially thought we would get home and voilà they would be happy little campers and be the delightful boys that I know.  Their discontent with me, daddy, each other, the activity we were doing, the location we were at, the food on their plate or lack thereof, or the way the sun was shining were all topics to have a fit about. Thankfully they didn’t do this at the same time….. Instead they would tag in and out so that I think we had one boy who was not pleased almost the entire day.....AWESOME, my husband and I would have got the gold medal in “try not to lose your shit, because your kids turned crazy for a day” event.

FINALLY, it was time for bed! (YES! High-fives were given after this crazy day).  I know, I know, don’t wish the days away, one day we will want them this little again.  I think that is true, but if I can have them little again I would wish for a different day, but if I couldn’t and I had to have this day, I would just be happy that they grew up and I wasn’t in an insane asylum.

After a much better nights rest, thanks- to my husband for getting up with the boys so I could sleep, it was going to be a better day! And for the most part it was. Jimmy was his happy little self, and pretty pleased as long as he wasn’t getting knocked to the ground (to-hard) from his big brother.  However, my four year-old must be going through an ‘I am going to test my limits’ phase.  He is head-strong and stubborn and wants to argue HIS way to the simplest request that I have.

Me: “Hey Jakers, Please pick that juice cup up?”

Jake: (after pretending NOT to hear me) “Why?”

Me: “Because I asked you to and that would be a nice thing to do?”

Jake: “But it is Jimmy’s cup, and he needs to learn to be nice too, let’s ask him.”

“Jimmy, help mommy and pick up your juice cup.”

Jimmy: “Okay Jakey!”

Jake: “There you go mommy, all picked up”

I know I have to pick my battles but it is this type of thing all day long that wears my patience down. Trying to balance him learning to handle independence and learning that he does have a voice and it is important against being disobedient and disrespectful is at times difficult.

I am trying to balance being tough...but not TOO tough and being patient without being walked on.  The exhaustion of repeating myself fifteen times before he looks up with doe eyes and says “What did you say momma?”  Annoys me, but there is something about his sweet little innocent face looking up at me with his sparkly blue-green eyes just like his daddies that makes me smile and repeat it for the sixteenth time.

The depth of a mother’s limitless love continues to amaze me.  After two days of a little boy who has tip-toed over the metaphoric line of naughty vs. nice I was drained and exhausted, it was bath and bedtime and that in itself is busy.  I went back to his room to speak to him, to see if he understood why he was in time out….again.

At a family wedding trying to "dance" with Jake & "entertain" Jimmy to keep everyone happy...Photo by Lisa Lu Designs

As Jake sat in my lap and we calmly talked he told me “I know I cannot throw toys at my brother, I’m sorry.”

 I asked him “Remember what I told you, about being bad?” I was expecting him to say ‘that other kids won’t want to play with a bad little boy.’ But instead he said “Yes Mommy, I remember that you told me that you loved me when I am bad AND when I am good, but you are the most proud of me when I am good, I always like when you are proud of me, I am sorry I wasn’t good.”

Well after a very long day those words were too sweet and I was not able to hold back a few tears. I went to bed last night thankful for a little boy who had a couple bad days to show me how immensely grateful I am for the hundreds of good days that he gives me.

Jake & Jimmy,

If there is anything that you take away from these letters to you, it is this: Yes, I love you when you are good or bad, I am proud of you whether you win, lose or draw.  I will stand beside you as a friend when you need a helping hand, behind you because my confidence in you will exceed your own or in front of you to shield you from harm. I will lose my patience’s and I will not always be right, but believe me when I tell you whether I am right or wrong in the long term, I was, to the best of my ability, doing what I thought was right in the present.

There is no soul who could love you like I do

Indefinitely yours,

Mommy