What is happening to discipline?

When my sisters and I were growing up we got to run and bike through the streets of our neighborhood. We would play outside and meet up with the other neighborhood kids and play from sun up, until sun down.  All of our parents would call one to another to check in on us and I think each trusted we were in good care no matter what house.  That said, it didn’t matter which house, if one of us was acting up it was any parent that was allowed to discipline. We were all good kids but I can remember the two times that I said a bad word and my friend’s dad yelled at me. I remember my mom telling one of my sisters’ friends to “knock off the whining.” When this happened I didn’t run home to tell my mom that “Leah’s dad” yelled at me. I was too busy praying to God that she didn’t find out that he HAD to yell at me, because what I was doing was not behavior she would have approved of either.

My Sisters and I all knew if someone else had to reprimand us for our behavior, not only were we going to get in trouble from them, but we were going to get in WORSE trouble from mom. My mother expected good behavior out of us, and when we didn’t live up to it we understood there was a price to pay….and she held her ground. As I type this I am trying to pick my words carefully, because in today’s day in age, she sounds like a monster compared to many parents, but at the time this is what most parents were like. She is the most loving and charismatic person I know, and she helped in instill in us respect for others, respect for property and respect for ourselves with her discipline. Because of her I raise my boy with many of these same guidelines.

Jake and his cousin "AA"

Unfortunately when we are at an outing with the masses I see that many parents don’t discipline or have as high of standards for their children as my husband and I.  This makes it all the more difficult as we say “No Jacob! And with that attitude we can leave now!” while he witnesses a peer throwing tantrum after tantrum and getting to stay and play. It is hard to hear “But HE gets to stay?” confused and wondering why a child who is acting similar still gets to stay but he doesn’t.

Jake: Buddy, I remember feeling that way too sometimes, I remember even in high school not getting to do things that “all the other kids” were doing because my mom was being so “annoying.” So buddy, it will not end in the near future. I will still not allow behavior that is disrespectful, and I will not allow situations where I know there is a great outcome for danger or trouble. My love, that is my job, from the second I found out about you until my dying day I will do anything in my power to keep you safe and to try to guide you to make intelligent and wise decisions. It has to start somewhere, it starts now. 

On the way to the carinval

To Jake and Jimmy,

This world awaits all the greatness that you will bring to it. I marvel in the intelligence that each of you possess. And revel in the uniqueness that you both have to offer. I am continually astonished by my love that grows for you as each day passes. And as you grow you may not understand that your daddy and my discipline techniques are not meant to extinguish the fun that you are trying to have, but to protect the future that can so easily be burned to the ground when you are not thinking. When we have to speak harshly to you it is not to dishearten you or humiliates you but to make you understand that your words have weight and your bad actions have consequences so to choose them wisely. You will not know until you have children of you own, how much we dislike disciplining you. It is much easier to give in and let you have whatever it is you are throwing a fit about; but in the long run there is no lesson learned, there is not opportunity for growth. So we will continue throughout your life to hug you and love you and kiss you while complimenting you strengths, but we will step in to “realign” the missteps. You both make us so very proud and we are trying with the best of our knowledge to raise you to be the tremendous men we know you have the capability to be.

Jake and cousin "C" on a spaceship ride

I write this after we had a small town “carnival” and I saw the disrespect from other children and the lack of involvement from parents. There was a bouncy castle that many little kids were waiting in line to get on when three or four thirteen year olds then tried to get in line for. There was not an age limit so they were allowed, but after I stood in line with my three year old and my five year old niece for close to ten minutes it was then their turn.  That is when the older kids pushed their way to the front, I am not a confrontational person, so I politely told them “hey guys the line is back there.” However, when one little jack-ass replied back with “So?” I thought I was going to slap him. But without looking at him and his disrespectful little friends, because I was too busy helping my son and niece in the bouncy castle, I replied back with a sassy “So… I think you should go to the end of the line.” They walked away and I am sure enjoyed calling me every name his small little mind could think of.  

Jimmy, Jake and cousin "R"

It was shortly after that and my boys were melting down and ready to go home.  But I could not help but think of those rude boys, I hope that their parents don’t know they treat anyone, specifically adults that way. But more importantly I hope that if I told them, there would be bigger consequences.  Raising children alongside delinquents who have total disregard for authority is going to be difficult.

I know there will be lots and lots and lots more challenges along the way, and the consequences to actions will be more difficult then, “no more playing outside!” I hope that we have the strength and perseverance to raise boys with good morals and manners, and manage dealing with the kids along the way who don’t share those same values. I hope they find friends that they can create lifelong bonds, maybe cause a little trouble but mostly just find people to stand with them even if everyone else is not.  

All cousins on a ride