New boy in town

Everyone told me when I was pregnant with Jake (our oldest) “just wait your life will never be the same.” Or “I hope you don’t plan on sleeping-in anymore.” Or my favorite “only 18 more years until a relaxing vacation.” All of these were filled with negativity. While I know people were just saying it to be funny, I didn’t find it funny.  Just like I didn’t find it funny when someone would say “Oh My God you’re HUGE! I bet you’re due any day?””…..nope another 10 weeks but thanks for making me feel awesome!” J I think I have written about it before, I loved being pregnant, but I was definitely NOT little. I don’t think either of my boys knew what the ‘fetal position’ was. They were always stretched out and relaxing. By the size of my tummy they could have had lay-z-boys and a full size TVs in there.

All the negative, silly, stupid comments flew out the window after Jake was born. I was infatuated with him. I could not get enough of him, his smell, his hair, his perfect little nose and beautiful lips. I loved his long fingers and cute baby toes. I loved dressing him in clothes that looked too small to fit a human. I mean I was CRAZY about him; I even loved the way his tiny little body would arch and twist when he filled his diaper. Then I would quickly pick him up to change him. His tiny little booty was just adorable.

Daddy worked long hours so I could stay at home with him. I never knew the love that I was now feeling. While I am still madly in love with my husband, THIS was a different kind of love.  He really felt like an extension of my body, and when he was not with me I felt like I was missing my heart.  I left for the first time to get my hair cut when he was three weeks old. My mom came over to watch him for the hour and a half that I was going to be gone…..I almost didn’t leave. ”what if he needed me?” He lived inside me for nine months and I had been with him for every minute of these three weeks, it was hard to walk out the door. But I did, and it was okay! Nanny got time to love on this boy that I’m sure my family thought I was “hogging.”

I always wanted a BIG family; I loved the idea of lots of kids running around. I liked the idea of my children always having a friend, always having someone that they could count on, through thick-or thin, a brother or sister.

Shortly after Jake turned one we talked about the idea of growing our family again. He was getting so big, so fast and I wanted to give him a brother or sister. I couldn’t wait to be pregnant again. I was so excited to watch another little person grow and change just like I was watching Jake. Like with Jake we got pregnant quickly, I was blessed again to have a seamless pregnancy. We found out we were expecting another little boy and my heart skipped a beat. Another little boy to love! More blue blankets and trucks and trains! More “mommy little champ”, and “daddy’s slugger” onesies. Must mostly a forever, built-in best friend for Jake.

Jimmy minutes old

As the due date grew closer I started to get more nervous, not about how I would manage two little babies, but how both Jake and I would handle the division of attention. As horrible as it sounds I thought “how will I EVER love this baby as much as Jake?” I knew that I loved Jimmy, just like I love Jake when he was in my tummy, but now I had an almost two year old who stole my heart. I would think “what if Jake doesn’t adjust, what if he hates me for having this baby?” I so very excited to meet this new baby boy, and scared of the changes it would cause.

But ready for not, “here Jimmy comes!” I woke up on September 7^th at 5:15am with a very achy back. After taking a shower and getting ready for the day, I realized that the ache was coming every 5 minutes and increasing in pain. I woke my hubby and took Jake to the sitter and we headed off to the hospital. I was admitted instantly and labor was progressing quickly. All the family (other than my sister-in law, who was watching Jake) had gotten to the hospital to await the birth of this little boy.

If you knew my Jimmy his labor was fast and sneaky like him.  The doctor checked on me, said it would be a couple hours and would be back in a little while to check on me. Three minutes later, I turned to my mom and mother-in-law (who were keeping me company while everyone else went to the cafeteria to eat) and without words, gave them a look and they both sprung into action…….Jimmy wasn’t waiting another two hours, I wasn’t sure Jimmy was waiting two minutes. My mother in-law ran to get a doctor, who was nowhere to be found, along with my husband. She flagged down the nurse, and my husband turned the corner to the hallway and someone yelled “dad you better get in here!” moments later without a doctor, an incubator, or a maternity cart for delivery James Donald Koester was born.

Unlike with Jake, Jimmy started crying instantly.  As the nurse was placing him on my chest, the doctor rushed in.  Jimmy was perfect, and healthy and irresistibly cute! And as I remember with Jake, I fell in love.  Jimmy came into this world, fast and fierce and on his own accord. This should have given me foresight into his attitude.

The love that I felt instantly after the birth of my boys is still mind-boggling. The next day when my parents were bringing Jake up to see me and meet his baby brother for the first time,  gave me butterflies bigger then I had on my wedding day.  Daddy walked in with my BIG blonde hair, blue eyed boy, who was smiling from ear-to-ear to see mommy! As he ran and jumped on the bed to hug me he quickly looked over the side of the bassinet and said “dats Dimmy!” My husband handed Jimmy to me and I sat there, holding for the first time, BOTH of my boys. Jake would kiss Jimmy and just smile. My love was not divided, my love was multiplied to the point that I don’t know how my heart could fit inside my body.

When we came home to reality it wasn’t all kisses and smiles. There was a lot of adjustment for my not-even-two-year-old.  There were times that he was mad at me. Times he told me he wanted to leave! “I go to Nanny and Pa’s”. And when those times happened I had to fight with everything I had NOT to cry. I knew he wasn’t saying it to be mean. I knew he was just confused, at what the hell was going on. His life had been flipped up-side-down. I tried to make time for just mommy and Jake, but the adjustment was difficult for me. I constantly questioned my ability, and I was scared I wasn’t being a good mom to them because I had to split my time and I felt like everything was so chaotic.

They are now 18 months and 3 & ½ years old and are BEST friends. To hear them chatter back and forth to each other is priceless.  To hear Jake sweetly teach his brother how to do something melts my heart. They rough house and wrestle and tackle each other in play. They do get frustrated and annoyed at each other too, but I know already they have each others backs.

I think any parent can tell you it’s not always easy, and there have already been a lot of sleepless nights, and I may not have a relaxing vacation for a few years, but who doesn’t love a good story about “remember that one time on vacation when….” But my life has been forever changed. Not in the negative undertone I got when I was pregnant, in a magnificent way.  It enhanced my ability to build a fort, and tell a story.  It helped me to laugh when I sometimes just want to cry. It had helped me to be braver and stronger then I have ever felt.  

While the adjustment was difficult for me at first, to go from one to two kids I am so happy I did. I am never left empty handed. I always have two sweet little hands to hold. And two little boys that teach me more then I will ever be able to teach them. I may be a tired mommy, but I am a happy mommy!