Friday, March 11, 2016

An overdue update

I started this blog as a way for the boys to read stories about themselves when they got older, stories that I would inevitable forget, because life is busy and sometimes the day-to-day stories can get lost. I have not written in a while and I hope to do a little better this year.

March 11, 2016

My boys are ALL boy so much of the time.... that is it utterly exhausting. (If you are not sure what "ALL Boy" translates too, please come over and babysit my children for meJ.) While they love each other fiercely they are also each other’s biggest competition. Everyday someone is faster, stronger, taller, eating breakfast faster, putting on shoes sooner, getting dressed by themselves better, playing star wars better, better batter/catcher/runner, made more baskets/rebounds/points, …. The list goes on! The “friendly competition” at any time during the day can turn from friendly to ‘death-match’ in about .2 seconds. And as crazy as it sounds ends almost as quickly as it starts, each one gets a few jabs and then it’s over….and they are back playing the same thing that started the fight in the first place. It is very bazaar, but as I have written about boys (starting from a very young age) are very bazaar!

The boys are too friendly for their own good, if you have met them, you know this! They ‘know’ everyone and love everyone like it is their lifelong friend. If they meet you they don’t forget you. So when we pass an older women at Target and Jake shouts out “Hi Ellen!” I turn around puzzled, until “Ellen” comes over to talk to us and tells us how she is so-and-so’s grandmas from school. They will shout out “Bye Scott!”, “Hi Trent!” and seem to want to be friends with the kids in their classes’ parents just as much as the little kids.

As you can read it is undeniable that I am proud of my boys, like any mother is proud of her children.  These little kid moments, as I am noticeable more aware, are all to fleeting. I write them down not to boast, but to remember.  I want to remember as much about their lives as I can, because their lives have brought so much happiness and purpose to mine! Along with many wrinkles, as of lately! J

This weekend we laid to rest the boys Great-Grandpa Jim. The boys lovingly referred to him as Papa Jim and we hated to have to say good bye. The wisdom my Jake has of topics that are hard to grasp is odd, yet incredible. While explaining to the boys what happened to Papa Jim on the way to school one day Jake put it simply: “Papa Jim’s body was too tired for this earth anymore, but no one’s body is ever to tired in Heaven, so that is where he will be now. Its actually not sad, is really GREAT, he was so good that he gets to make it to talk to Jesus!”

Jake has always been interested in church and the talk of Heaven. Jimmy, has different interests and not that he doesn’t like church but he would rather be outside playing ball or getting muddy. However at the wake for Papa Jim, Jimmy loudly shouted out to the roof of the church, after talking about Heaven and angels, “Papa Jim, Please fly over me! Papa Jim please watch me in heaven, be MY angel!”

Papa Jim I tried to tell you when we got to say good bye to you a few weeks ago, as you cried hoping that they boys would remember you, that they most certainly will remember you. And that they will always love you! Be our Angel Papa Jim, watch over my boys….all three of them!

My Boys,

Jake is now five and a half years old and will start kindergarten next year. He has grown from a ‘little’ boy to a kid in the past year and seeing photos side-by-side blows my mind that it was ONLY a year ago. He continues to be my old soul, his intellectual ability, attention to detail, drive to complete the task at hand, and how can figure out how to fix just about anything astounds me. He speaks with the clarity of an adult and has the wit of one too. He is stubborn and hard headed (which is usually more frustrating than not to mommy), but has a caring heart far above his years. He is more than ready for kindergarten…..I just hope his kindergarten teacher is ready for him! J

Jimmy is now three and a half years old and will be devastated next year when Jake starts kindergarten and the school bus drives away with his brother on it and leaves him behind. Jimmy is my live wire, he truly has an infectious, and explosive personality.  His vocabulary is impressive mainly because he never stops talking! He is so incredibly ornery, but his smile and little dimples get him out of most trouble! His teachers at school really are saints for not only teaching him on a day-to-day basis, but loving him like they do. I call him my “sour patch kid” he goes from saying or doing one pain-in-the-ass thing to the next but then will turn around and give you that smile of his, or the best compliment you could hear, and you fall in love. At the end of every day he is filthy and has a couple new bruises, he is tougher than nails and a tornado of trouble. But when he curls up to me at night, after his bath and the tired sets in, he phases back into a little boy, for a short time and I love it!  

Friday, June 26, 2015

Potty Training (round two)

From the moment that we brought Jimmy home and I realized I have TWO little dirty diaper machines, I dreamed of the day when diapers, and blowouts would be a thing of the past….This is not to say that I didn’t love their sweet tiny baby years, but I could have dealt without the poop-up-the-back incidents.

Well, I can safely say it….We have TWO potty trained boys! It has now been a week accident free. I held my breath, thinking that this may just be a flute, but it’s the real deal. I have TWO “big” boys. I am so very proud and excited for my little Jimbo that he did it! And he is proud to let everyone that he knows (and doesn’t know) that he is potty trained,” JUST like Jakey!”

My, how fast it goes. While in the middle of dirty diaper duty 24/7 I thought it was never ending….I am sure our garbage man did too. But it is such a short time of their life that they are in diapers.

It is said that once you overcome one obstacle and you are on to the next, I find this especially true with children. Just when I think “man, I have this mommy thing down!” they go through another change or another stage and I am learning and adjusting to their new, likes/dislikes/hatreds of all things cheese…or whatever else they decide at the time.   

I do not want to change this new financial freedom and go back to buying diapers, however I will say that there does come a new stress. How quickly I have forgotten the new potty trained routine. When they say it is “go-time” it is “GO-TIME!” I am pretty sure that I could be in the back candy isle of Target and get to the bathrooms at the front of the store faster than a NFL first string draft pick could run a 40 yard dash……When its potty time, people better watch out. Momma is coming through and if you don’t move, it’s gonna be clean up on isle “YOU.”

The first week of watching Jimmy get potty trained has given me a lifetime of laughs.  After he started to get the hang of the whole potty thing he wanted to do it all the time. There were obviously times that he didn’t need to go but tried anyways. After I asked him, “did you go potty? “He responded back “yeah, I tried but my wiener is broken right now and not working.”…a simple I didn’t have to go would have worked.

Being in big boy underwear has also brought up the fascination with his “boy parts” a few notches…This is NOT new to me.  Jake broke me into this concept a few years back. However, I am not sure if it is all little boys, (I don’t remember Jakers doing it) but Jimmy will talk to his ‘wiener,’ while going potty.

                “Hey wiener, we need to go potty, I need you to start working.” …“You did it wiener! Good Job!”

Because we have really been stationed at home while in potty training mode, his talking to his new ‘friend’ is funny, but I hope when we are in a public restroom his new ‘friend’ no longer needs his helpful encouragement.

I haven’t written to you boys in a while and Jimmy I just wanted to say how much you have grown and changed and how I love the little boy that you are becoming. Your baby-days are becoming fewer and fewer, I cherish the rare days that you still want to rock and snuggle. I know that you so often want to be as big as “Jakey”, but believe me buddy you will get there, and it will happen all too fast! For now I will revel in another major milestone and celebrate the wonderful-ness that is you! You amaze me every day buddy, and bring so much sunshine to my life!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

God created you ‘Special’

Last night our dinner was nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. It was a typical ‘ghetti’ night.  It was just the little boys and me sitting down to eat, Daddy had a meeting that he was at and was not going to be home for dinner. I used to fear the nights when Jared had to be away and I was left on my own to get dinner prepared, the boys fed, baths done and get them both down for the night.  Last night over our very ordinary dinner, I realized (as I do about 100 times a month) that time has flashed forward once again. I am no longer trying to decipher my young two-year olds request for dinner while I finish nursing a newborn that won’t let me put him down. In those nights I would doubt myself, my mothering abilities and sanity. It was so hard, there were two little people dependent 100% on ME and it could be exhausting.  When daddy was at his meeting my evening seemed to consist of someone always crying, that many times included me.  I would see other mothers that had three or more children and instantly think “they must be so much better at this than me, I can hardly handle two!” “I don’t know what I am doing,” and “I am sure I am disappointing them.”

Moments of my ordinary spaghetti nights make me look back on the chaotic newborn/young-toddler nights and reflect. As I have done many times, I wish I could tell my two-year-younger self “You shouldn’t have been so hard on yourself! It will be okay.” If only I could remind myself to take that advice in the present. However, I wish someone would have told me “it’s okay, to think it is hard, having a newborn and a 23 month-old….IT IS!” “It’s okay to ask for help, it doesn’t diminish your mothering abilities.” But I didn’t…I figured if Jared had a meeting I needed to figure things out on my own. MAN, I could have alleviated a lot of stress if I called in an extra pair of hands when Daddy was away.

I hold myself to an impossible standard, one that I do because my children deserve only the best. While I doubt myself constantly and pray that my decisions are the right ones for my boys I get little signs that keep me on track.  During our ordinary Spaghetti dinner last night I got a ‘sermon’ from my four year old that every parent needs to hear. That gives me hope that I am doing a good job by my boys.

(for those that may or may not know, As a family we speak of God and heaven although we do not actively go to church each Sunday, so passion and insight into how Jake speak of god is sometimes hard to understand. The pureness of a child is astounding.)

Jake: Mommy, I think we should talk about how we are all special
Mommy: (I kind of laugh to myself thinking, “He just wants me to tell him everything I love about him”) Okay buddy!
Mommy: You are so very smart, and caring. Do you know that? Do you know that you are smart, and how much it makes other people happy when you are nice?
Jake: Yes, people love my smile. It makes them happy!
Mommy: It sure makes me happy, who else does it make happy, and who said that?
Jake: My teachers, they tell me “Oh, I love that smile Jakey!” (Thank you. Ms. Stephanie and Ms. Rene for loving my boy like that)
Mommy: They are right
Jimmy: I’m not special! (Being my ornery little Jimbo)

Jake: Yes you are Jimmy! Everyone is special; you are funny and make me laugh. You are strong and brave and you help me not be scared to sleep in my room ‘cause now I’m not by myself!
Jimmy: I BRAVE! Thank you Jakey!

(This conversation might be the sweetest thing ever! When the boy are not acting like “boys” my heart melts like chocolate left in little jean pockets in my dryer.)

Jake: But actually mommy you are the most special!
Mommy: (heart skipped a beat) why is that?
Jake: a long time ago god created you (actually only 30 years…lets not age me to much) Even when you were a little girl he knew that you were going to be me and Jimmy’s mommy. He picked you just for us because he knew how nice and pretty you would be. And God knew that you would love us and kiss us and hug us all the time and make us happy.
Mommy: Thank you for telling me how special I am. That really makes me feel loved.
Jake: You are always loved!
Jake: Mommy, that is why I pray for a sister so she can be like you. Jimmy and me will be daddy’s one day. But if we had a sister she would be a mommy one day….a mommy like you.  

For all the parents of little kids…. or grown kids. While I am sure the self-doubt never ends I hope that you all can see the person that your child sees in you. You are perfect and they have never ending, unwavering, complete faith in you. They trust you effortlessly and believe in your capabilities copiously. You are their mother, and while as they age they may not always say it, They would not trade you for anyone in the world!

Thank you for perfectly making me, to be the mother of two beautiful little boys. I am so completely honored to be their mother!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Finding perfect in moments of Chaos

After having kids I rarely use the words, peaceful, blissful, or perfect to describe my house….before kids I would have.  Before the boys we had a coffee table that actually had items on it.  Soon after kids came all those items were quickly removed to protect their value and my sanity from keeping them out of their little hands. 

My husband and I would come home from work to make whatever WE wanted or “make it easy” and go out to eat for dinner.  After children the 5 out of 7 nights of the week there is at least one of us that is not happy with the dinner option….(yes sometimes that is even me…… I don’t want to have spaghetti again tonight!) It almost makes me laugh out loud as I type this how “easy” it used to be to ‘go out for a quick bite.’ Even if it is just Jared and me, we have to have ‘systems in place’ to even go out. And if we bring the boys, there is nothing ‘easy’ about that dinner. Usually bribery is involved, bribing them to sit still and eat their dinner and if they are good we will get a gumball before we leave.

However chaotic and crazy the house it, there are still those moment of bliss. The moment when I am able to use the restroom and not have one or both of them standing their asking me what I am doing. Or better yet getting the toilet paper and telling me “I will wipe your bottom mommy, just bend over!”

There are moments of peacefulness when they are both in bed and sleeping…at the same time.

More so there are many, many moments of perfect. Maybe not the ‘Pleasantville-perfect’ but MY perfect.  These ”perfect moments” may only last a few seconds or minutes, but I love when I am aware enough to notice them.  After a stressful day that includes many tantrums or tears it can be hard to see those moments but they are still there. Many times it is something so small, as the boys working together on their “best train track set EVER!”, or Jake teaching Jimmy how to potty on the big-boy-potty.

Last night my perfect moment was putting my boys to bed, not because of the usual reasons of ‘yes, now it is quite,” but because as I rocked Jimmy to sleep, in the same chair that I have had since getting pregnant,  I realized how his body no longer fits within my lap. I realize that I no longer wake up countless times a night to feed, burp and diaper him. He is almost potty trained and is an excellent sleeper.

 I came out from putting Jimmy to bed to find Jake snuggled with daddy asleep on the couch, so I picked him up and carried him to bed. Because of the thoughts I just had with Jimmy I felt like it was God’s way of telling me “remember, to enjoy it all, he was Jimmy’s size a blink ago and now look at him”. As I carried my long and lanky 4-year old boy to bed. His legs long enough that I now have to turn sideways to get into doorways so that I do not hit them on the door jam.

My perfect moment was that I have been given the honor for 1,568 days, to rock, carry, cuddle or sooth a baby to sleep.  I have reveled in your growth and outgrowth of the many stages you have been in. I have continuously learned and adapted to your changing wants and needs. God granted me the duty to raise you to the best of my abilities and while I am not perfect his choice of giving the two of you to me was.

Jake and Jimmy,

I am so very far from perfect, but I perfectly made you.  It is my privilege to be your mommy, while my tone at 2:30 in the morning may not always be as chipper as it would at 7:00, know that every sleep deprived minute I love you. Please don’t remember my frustration when I have named off everything in the world to eat for dinner but you still turn it down, my goal is only to make you grow strong and healthy.  At times I can see that you are frustrated that I ask again a topic that you know, it is my way to educate you and to expand your knowledge of a topic a little bit at a time. I never intend to scare you, but you are more capable than you know and there are time that I have to ‘let go’ and let you do it on your own.   It breaks my heart to see you hurt, but life will throw a lot of stuff at you giving you bumps and bruises along the way.  I am always here to console you, but there will be times you need to ‘shrug-it-off’, you are stronger than you give yourself credit.  And while you are perfect to me, you do not always make “perfect” choices.  My hope is to raise you to be man enough to know what to fight for, know when to say I’m sorry and know when it time to walk away, graciously and honorable. Most of all I hope to instill your intense love and compassion for those around you and the people you meet. 

You will change the world one day boys, I just know it. You have forever changed mine.

Your continually amazed mommy! 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas is here….where did 2014 go!

Wow, it has been far too long since I have had a minute to sit down and write.  I don’t think I really have that much time now but I am making the time.  Yesterday, I was busy scurrying around trying to get last minute items for the boys and for family along with stopping by the grocery store to get the ingredients to make the dishes I need to prepare for the family parties I am reminded how buys this time of year is.  

I was not with my smiley, happy….sometimes crazy little boys and I was actually able to concentrate on what I needed, I was able to take in what was going on around me and wasn't zeroed in on the two little boys in the cart. However, surprisingly, what I realized is how much I wished the boys were with me. (For moms of little kids I know this sounds crazy) but when they are with me I don’t have time to see or realize the ugliness that this season can bring. When I have the boys with me the ugliness that can come at this time of year becomes so over shadowed by the two beams of light that shine brightly in the cart that I am pushing. While I complain that it takes me longer when I have them with me, they make my shopping experience, this season and my life brighter each day for being a part of it.

To the women who was so distraught by me not getting green beans fast enough so that you could get them….”Chill out, I am not going to buy the entire freezer and not leave you any, there is plenty to go around.” To the women who came up to the wrapping paper bin that I was looking at and yelled “Dammit I needed that one!” only AFTER I chose, I hope you enjoyed the paper and I just wanted to let you know that I found the same paper a mere 3 feet further in another bin….just in case you were thinking of me. To the countless other who forget the rules that we learned in kindergarten, when this season approaches I hope you can look at the people that you are buying the presents for and think “would they be proud to see me act this way?”

I think this all as I am going over in my mind our busy schedule the next could days and where we need to be and at what time. This morning as I got two very tired but very ‘Christmas-excited’ boys ready for school Jake said  to me “I just want to stay at home.” I was surprised, he has his school Christmas party today and I know he will have fun. However I was more surprised when I heard his answer as to why. I told him that after today we have five ‘stay-at-home-days’ and Santa comes tomorrow night!  He responded with “I know but then we are so busy and we go lots and lots of places, so that’s why I thought today we could just stay at home and slow down.” … this child is too smart for his own good, and I am still trying to figure out if he was ‘playing me’ or if this is his honest feelings.  But like with everything I am doing in motherhood I am now second-guessing myself like crazy.

-Do we do too much on the day? –Do I not let them enjoy it enough?  –should we stay home more? –Are they going to look back and hate that we were so busy?

So this year I will take Jake’s advice, we will slow down. We will get to every place that we need to go but we may not always be perfectly on time. We will be there, we will be merry and we will be very blessed to be surrounded by loving family.

Jake’s 2014 in review
You started to play soccer for the first time on a team out at Chatham Community Park. While I think you liked it, you continue to show more interest in your beloved baseball. You went to three cardinal games this year….and one you even got to go right down by the field thanks to mommy’s work, you of course wore your cardinal uniform and attracted almost as much attention as the players on the field!  You were the most handsome little 3 year old ring bearer I've ever seen and I wept as I watched you walk down the isle at Abby and Chris’ Wedding. You asked mommy out on a prom date and because we had the tux you got dressed up and so did mommy for our fancy dinner, you were such a gentleman.  We ended our summer with our first family vacation to the ocean, and like with many other ‘firsts’ I cried as I watch you run towards the ocean for the first time listening to your squeals of excitement. In October you turned 4 years old and had another baseball birthday party, it was freezing but you didn't mind! And in school you were in your first play and mommy couldn't have been prouder of you! 

Jacob Lee, you have grown so much in a year. You never cease to amaze me. You are an old soul with a kind heart and an inquisitive mind. You make me look at the world different.  You make me question things I would have never thought to question before, but I do so because I know the importance it means to you to understand how things work. I never thought I would know so much about baseball, John Deere, geography or history, but I push myself to learn more in the fields that you show interest. Thank you for expanding my mind and continually expanding my heart.

Jimmy’s 2014 in review
You continue your exquisite ability to climb anything. You were a ring bearer with your brother in Abby and Chris' wedding, honesty I didn't know they made tux's that little, your were the most handsome 1 year old ever! This year you went to your very first cardinal game and it was with the whole family, you liked but I think you liked the cotton candy better.  We took you on your first family vacation to the beach and while I was worried about you on the long 16 hour car ride, you were the best passenger out of anyone! You turned 2 in September and we went to the park for your party, it was a beautiful day! You had surgery to fix a hernia and you were a much better patient than mommy! In December you had your first Christmas program, and while you didn't sing much (I know you know the songs) and you looked adorable.  I think your biggest accomplishment this year is the “art of trouble-making” you have an undeniable gift of getting yourself out of trouble with the slight twist of your head and a sweet little grin while looking out of the corner of your eyes that makes it impossible to be mad.

James Donald, you are my “Mr. Trouble” but you are the brightest ray of sunshine.  Your smile lights up a room and you are rarely unhappy.  You are a tough little boy who has taken a lot of spills this year and you get up with a smile and a knot of our head.  Your vocabulary is out of this world and you never stop talking.  You are so very polite and are always the first with a “please”, “Thank-You”, or “God Bless You”. I can forget that you are still ONLY two because you sometimes act so much older. This year you went from a toddler to a little boy, and while I knew that was going to happen I wish it would slow down.  Jimmy, my heart skips a beat every time I see you at the end of my day. Thank you for making me smile and for the sweet kisses and “I Love you’s” every night at bed this year. 

For the Family and friends and teachers who are in my boys life and continue to help them grow and make them better people, thank you. Thank you for your efforts in 2014, I know Jared and I certainly couldn't do this alone and we appreciate all the love that our boys get!
Merry Christmas Happy Holiday!
The Koesters,
Angie, Jared, Jake & Jimmy

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Mornings......I need a drink!

Is it time for a drink? Oh wait; it is not even 8:00am yet. This was my thought today after getting both my boys and then myself ready for the day. I always wonder as I am going through mornings of complete chaos if other moms out there are doing something similar or if I am the only one who has kids that make me run from one end of the house to the other like a crazy person.

Some of these crazy mornings wouldn't be AS crazy if I could leisurely get up from a great eight-to-ten hours of uninterrupted sleep.  But that is NEVER the case, I hit sleep one to many times mainly because sometime in the middle of the night my four year old got scared of the monster that comes into his room at night from under his bed and has crawled into MY bed to sleep with us/lay on top of me. (I am so used to it now that I am hardly fazed by sleeping with another human lying on top of me.) His little brother however has slept in his bed all night by himself and decided to get up at 5:15am. Thankful daddy got up with him. But now I have hit my sleep button twice and I spring out of bed to start the morning….late as always!

I get the boys dressed and get them breakfast-Check, get dinner in the crockpot for tonight-check, and then I go to get myself ready.  The perks of having a four-year old, he is happy to sit and color by his self in the kitchen while I get ready. The joys of having a two-year old (or at least MY two-year old) even if he was happy to sit in the kitchen to color without my supervision, that would be a catastrophe on my part. Coloring the paper I gave him would be the last of his concerns when he has tables and walls and chairs to color….you get my point.

Jimmy accompanies me to the bathroom so I can get ready and watch him.  Jimmy is my climber and he scales anything, at times I think he could put professional rock climbers to shame with his tiny fingers that somehow have more strength than the Hulk….or at least the stickiness of a tree frog. He runs into the bathroom and zips up to the vanity to sit right by me. He loves to brush his teeth, so he gets his tooth brush and turns the water on, only now he is not on the vanity- he is IN the sink. Well second outfit change for James now that he is sopping wet.

I go back, with Jimmy in tow, to finish getting ready. At this time he lets me know “I go potty”- two-year old talk for “I have to go potty….like NOW!” We didn’t make it, and he pottied in his diaper. Two minutes later “I go potty”, (I don’t want to discourage him but my goodness I am getting later and later by the second.) This time he had already GONE “potty” actually it was poo-poo, and it was EVERYWHERE! “Sweet” little man was trying to clean himself up. Again a two-year old cleaning up after a poo-poo accident is not making the situation any better. There was shit all over him, my potty, and the bathroom and sure to be me as soon as I got involved.

So back to the bath for Jimmy, now this is the THIRD outfit change before 8:00 in the morning. Seriously this child wears me out! I thought Jake was busy. Jimmy makes him look like….well, a normal child, he is my Tasmanian devil, just tearing shit up that gets in his path of destruction.
God help me some mornings, and thank you for who ever invented the 5-point harness of a car seat. Sometimes that it my calmest part of the day when I can strap Jimmy in and he is not tearing something else up. hahaha

You are 100% BOY all the time.  You have two speeds fast and faster.  Mommy always call you “Trouble with a capital T,” and while you can destroy something at an exponential rate of speed you can always turn with you little “jimmy smile” and make me laugh. You are the weirdest, silliest, most hilarious little guy. I love the way to make me laugh, you are a lot like your daddy and in the middle of being mad you can make me smile and forget what I was mad about. Keep that quality, laughter is important. Stay “weird”- stay unique, you are perfect and wonderful how you are. And while at times I will yell “JAMES DONALD!” know that you have a big brother who comes rushing to your side when he thinks mommy might yell at you. Watch out for your big brother when you get older, even though you are the younger brother, have his back at all times, because he has watched out for yours from day one! And most importantly, know that I love you! To the depths of my soul to the ends of the earth, to the moon and back, however you look at it my love is forever, without end.


Thank you for being the calm when the “Jimmy storm” rolls through. And to give him credit he will step back and be my good little guy when you have your meltdowns. You are sweet and kind and a fantastic big brother. You have a lot of mommy in you with your hard-headed, unwilling to compromise, set in your four-year old ways, self. You will need to make adjustment to the compromising aspect because that is a part of life. Compromise with your brother, you don’t always have to be right and he looks up to you more than you can imagine. Keep your incredible independence, don’t compromise your values, and continue to stay hard-headed for what you believe it right. And most importantly, know that I love you! To the depths of my soul to the ends of the earth, to the moon and back, however you look at it my love is forever, without end.


Thursday, October 9, 2014

A extra special day…..a Birthday!

During the fall my schedule at work picks up quite a bit, that just so happens to coincide with two very special little boys birthdays.  It makes for some busy weeks preparing for birthday parties, and some tiring weekend with lots of celebrating and little sleep. 

Birthdays were always a big deal growing up, so despite my schedule I plan to make sure that my boys feel the same way.  A birthday IS special; it is a whole day, dedicated to you!  I know that I hype up the boys birthdays more than they may understand at this age but it is also very special to me. In fact their birthday is possibly more special to me then to them.

Growing up I loved that I was showered with attention on my birthday, I liked the special birthday treats and the school parties, I loved that my mom always made what I wanted for dinner for a week straight. I still love my birthday mainly because of the memories that I had about it growing up and how special I felt on that day.

But now, like so many other aspect of my life I look at birthdays differently. Not necessarily my own, but my boys. Their birthdays are all about them, and I will continue that tradition as my mom did with my sisters and me. However now I can see that my mom’s excitement for our birthdays was never false or forced.  Each year when my boys birthdays rolls around I have a mental play-by-play in my head of the day (or night) that they were born…. (Oh its 4:34pm October 3rd we were walking into the hospital in active labor with Jake) or (5:56am, September 7th- Telling Jared that these are not just back pains but I think I am in labor with Jimmy). These flashes of times and activities happen the entire day.

When 2:36am on October 4th comes and 1:55pm on September 7th there is no one in this world more excited for my birthday boy but me. Those are the times that I was made a mommy and then again. Those were the times that a new, perfect little soul took a breath for the first time, and those moments are forever etched into my heart because you changed my life forever, for the better. 
Jimmy and Mommy
Jake and mommy

Jake and Jimmy,
Each year on your birthday I am remembering and celebrating your day of birth, the day my world, for moments, stood still to take in the gravity of the momentous occasion of us meeting for the first time. I am remembering your warm little body snuggled up to mine and for the first time feeling what it would be like to be a super hero, for I would and will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. While I look at you and sing happy birthday to you at your parties each year, I will be quick to wipe away my happy tears. Your smiling faces and the happy occasion remind me briefly of our first meeting and it amazes me how far we have come. It is impossible to think of my world without you.  Your birthdays will always be about you, but they will always be more important to me.  Because the days that I got you two as gifts far exceeds any birthday I have ever had.

I will celebrate you each day,

Love mommy!