The innocent inappropriateness of little kids




Yesterday morning was a beautiful day and started out fantastically. The boys and I were on time, for the first time in weeks.  So as I was driving I cranked my music and rolled down the windows to enjoy the perfect day. When my little Jake told me the music I was listening to sounded awful….Now his daddy often times doesn’t like my music, but seriously I thought I had a little more time with my fun pop radio hits before I was totally shut down by boys!

When we got to school one of his little classmates who always runs to give me hugs and say hi in the morning came running like he always has, “Yay, Angie is here!” but this day he sweetly patted my tummy and exclaimed “and she having a baby!” I am not offended by this as I have 3 year old myself and the stuff that comes out of his mouth is mind-blowing. I took it with a grain a salt, however when I turned to give my Jake a kiss and this little boy lifted up my skirt “looking for the baby to come out” I got slightly more embarrassed.

Because I know my little one(s) say things that I think to myself “I have no idea where that came from” I usually just laugh when I hear other kids that say things and you see the horror on their parents face when they not only heard what their child said but that know I did too.  To the mom that I just saw at lunch with the 4 year old little boy that was telling her “I am going to eat this whole big taco and then tonight I will have a poopy as big as daddy’s!” You need not be embarrassed in front of me.  While I hope you find some humor in it (because kids really are funny) I know it is not correct table talk and I tried to hide my laughter.

Last night I babysat my niece and after baths I got them all in their jammies and combed and braided my little niece’s hair. Jake asked me “mommy will you put 4 ponytail’s in my hair, I want to me a 4 year old birthday cake” (he thinks his head looks like it has candles on it when he has ponytails in) I hesitantly agreed, but it made him very happy. None of this is to inappropriate until he came up to me and said “Mommy want to blow me? Blow out my candles!” (Oh my goodness, did he just say that?) No one else was there to witness the hilarity of this moment. I couldn’t stop laughing at him going from me to my niece, to Jimmy “Wanna blow me out?” He has no idea what he is saying and his mommy I guess just has a dirty mind, but it was funny. I am now just PRAYING to God he never says that when we are out in public, if he does, explaining to people “Oh he just thinks he is a birthday cake”, will sound ridiculous.

Yesterday was a banner day for insults coming from little ones I guess?  I got both my boys to bed then I was lying with my niece on the couch to try and get her to fall asleep.  As I lay on the couch with her she laid her head on my chest and sat for…one second. She would then get up twist her head and move it then sit for…one more second, this happened a few more times when I  finally said “Alice, just lay still it’s getting late.” And she laid her head down once more…..for one second. This time she sat up looked at me and said in her sweet high pitched little voice “where are your boobies? Mommy has boobies, mommys boobies are soft for my head” haha….. Awesome kid, thanks! Now I look pregnant and I have no boobs? She ended up laying very content on a few pillows I gave here, while me and my small boobs sat in another chair.”

I love to hear the inappropriate stories of what little kids say and do. As an adult I can never imagine saying to another adult women, “Where are your boobs?”  And if an adult male tried to look up my skirt to “find the baby” I would have him arrested.  A man asking me to “blow him out” would not get a warm reception from me. The pure innocents of children is something that cannot be captured or replicated, it only happens for a few short years before it is no longer publicly accepted to just say whatever comes to mind. While I am in this mode of pure childhood innocence I hope to capture those moments, write them down, so when one day when I am watching my sons, sons I can tell them the stories from their daddy’s. And I can reflect how fast the childhood innocents fades.

Jake and Jimmy, you keep mommy and Daddy laughing, and I am sure you will forever.

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