Hard to let go


It is hard not to associate fall and school starting with being another year older. Even if your numerical age doesn’t change until spring you still feel older.  You are no longer that little ten year old in 4th grade, but now you are a “grown-up” ten year old in 5th grade. I used to love the first day of school, riding the bus to my new class, I was full of anticipate, excitement and anxiety for what was to come.

My Niece on her first Day!
Today I see countless pictures of all my friends and their little ones with the “First Day School” pictures I can’t help but feel nostalgic. This is one year closer to my baby going to the ‘big-kid’ school. One year less that he doesn’t have to worry about the homework and school pressure. I will be excited for him to go to Kindergarten and slightly heartbroken at the same time. He starts in his 4 year old room Monday and continuously reminds me how big he is, how much he is going to learn in his new ‘big-boy 4-year old” room, and how he just can’t wait to grow big. “Oh, my little miracle mommy can wait. It has gone so fast already, let me keep you little.”

My “baby” Jimmy will be going to the two year old room starting Monday as well and it doesn’t seem possible. Jake was in that exact same room when I was pregnant with Jimmy…”How is Jimmy old enough to be in there now” …..but I know he is, I know he is more than ready and I know that he will learn and grow so much in the next year with his amazing teachers, “but where did my tiny baby go?”



Last night I was putting Jake to bed and as we walked from my room to his room I asked him, “do you want me to carry you, or do you want to walk?” his response was perfect “Mommy, DO YOU want to carry me?”…..”Yes buddy, I’d love to carry you to bed” Jake obliged but let me know “you can only do this for a couple more days, and then I will be too big.

Jake & Jimmy,

I would love to carry you
One more time before you grow
I want to tell you endlessly that ‘I love you’
So that you will always know

 
Mornings are so busy
Getting ready, you, brother and me
That I forget time passes quickly
It is no longer two babies that I see
 

So let me tie your shoes today
One day you’ll tie them on your own
Please remember mommy
And I hope it is love I have always shown

 
You are my sweet angel on earth,
An instantaneous kind of love
You are more perfect then I could have imagined
Surely a gift sent from up above
 

Tonight can I please wash your hair?
Let me give you one more bath
Can I help you count your small ten toes
before I teach you math?
 

Before you join a baseball team
can I pitch you one more ball?
One more bike ride, with me chasing behind
to make sure you don't fall?

 
I no longer need to help you up the hill
That you were once too small to climb
So let me read you stories
While you are young and still give me the time
 

I want to be a part
Of everything you do
There is a part of my heart that is not whole
Unless I am with you


I know the day will come
when you will do these things alone.
Will you remember our breakfast dates?
And all the balls we’ve thrown?

 
I know you’ll grow up big and strong
Yes, stronger then daddy you’ll be
And when you find success
There will be no soul more proud than me.




So yes, I’d like carry you
One day you'll walk alone.
I cannot stand to miss one day
from now until you've grown.
 
I Love you boys!
~Love mommy!





 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A letter to my second baby,

Image
To My Jimmy, I hope you know how much Daddy and I love you.   I hope you know how much I cherish our “Jimmy/Mommy time.” It is seldom that you get to have Mommy and Daddy all to yourself, and the times you do are limited and few and far between. I love to have both of my babies with me, but I also know the importance of building a personal bond with both you and your brother individually.   Last night daddy was at a meeting and your brother was playing happily in the family room so I gave you a bath alone. Most nights you and Jake bathe together, it is easier for Mommy and you guys have so much fun together. But Jimmy I loved to see your smile when you looked around to see that you had the whole bath to yourself.   I loved how you soaked up the one-on-one attention from me. No big brother to squirt you repeatedly with the rubber football toy.   No one to overpower you by taking the toy you wanted. It was just you and me for a bit buddy!   You gave me your beautiful teeth-y ‘Jim
Read more

Mother of the groom

Image
My baby sister got married this weekend, she could not have looked more beautiful and her ceremony and reception were magnificent.   My other sister and I were her co-maids of honor. I had many ‘favorite’ memories of the day, I loved seeing her and my dad walk down the aisle and then seeing her and her new husband be announced and walk back up the isle as husband and wife.   I loved toasting to her and her new hubby at the reception and dancing the night away. But what I liked most were the moments in the bridal suite, sitting around the table with us all getting our hair and make-up done.   This was the time that we go to REALLY talk.   This was the time that we could ‘ohh’ and ‘ahh’ over each other as we would finish getting our hair and make-up done and complement each other as to how beautiful the other looked.   This was the time we talked about funny stories from when Abby was growing up.   We also got to hear about the funny stories when Chris (her husband) was growing
Read more

Hubby, I love you too!

Image
The wild and responsibility-free 21 and 22 year olds that we were when we met, are no longer.   We no longer go out until 3 am every weekend and sleep until noon.   No longer are we able to leave for a fun weekend trip on a moment’s notice.   The days are gone of sitting at the dinner table with empty plates and just talk about the day or future for as long as we want without being interrupted.   young love :-) I loved those days, although probably not as much as I should have. I took for granted the alone time that we got.   I didn’t value our one-on-one conversations like I should have.   While we were married for two and a half years before we had our first little baby, it went fast and there was so much that I didn’t realize would change after they came. I know that sometimes you get slighted for the boys.   It is rare that you get 100% of my attention and for that I am sorry. You are, of course worthy of it. It has been a big challenge of becoming a mother on balanci
Read more